17.11; National Adoption Day

I have a story to share.  One that I don't talk much about...

I was 19.  I had just graduated from Paul Mitchell.  I was awaiting to hear from the state so I could take my boards to get my cosmetology license.  Just then, some other news came to me...I found out I was pregnant.  I was devastated.  I cried for 9 months.  I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me and now I was failing (once again).  What was I going to do?  Abortion was not an option.  I had only heard about  adoption, and keeping the baby?  Would that be right?  I had so many mixed emotions.

The scariest moment for me was when I told my parents.  I wasn't living with them at the time and I had gone to their house for a visit, when right before they got home, the morning sickness crept in.  I was lurking with my head in the toilet for an hour.  I couldn't believe it.  Nothing was even inside of me!  I heard my mom walk in the door, so I tried to get it together.  Just then, I collapsed on the floor, she knew exactly what was wrong.  She was the one who told me.  I told her I wanted to wait for my dad.  I felt a little better (physically), and told both my parents I didn't want them to say anything until I left.  I told them.   Shaking the entire time.  I told them not to worry.  I told them everything would be fine.  I left.  I was in the bathroom, meeting that same toilet bowl on a daily basis for 12 weeks straight.  I had moved back in with my parents, whom I'm pretty sure were mad at me, but rather supportive.  I was hospitalized for dehydration, nothing was kept down.  I was pale, weak, devastated.

Once I felt better and had gone to see the doctor, I thought, this is my baby.  I am growing this child inside of me.  I can feel it kick and turn and weird things are happening.  I am going to keep this baby.  It seemed like a dream.  Searching for the perfect nursery, seeing the cutest baby clothes, loving something so much, it was just the best feeling in the world.  Finding out you're having a boy...

Reality hits.  It's not all about onsies and nursery paint.  It's not about toys and books and baby names.  It's not about you and how you want to show off your cute new baby to your friends, it's about the baby.  How is this really going to affect my life?  More importantly, how is this going to affect his life.  How would it be for you if you only had a mom?  If your dad wanted nothing to do with you?  What's going to happen?

The question I really asked myself is, "what now?"  And I'm not sure if I said it aloud, or in a prayer in my heart, but I'm pretty sure someone heard me.  I was at work, and a fellow employee came up 5 minutes later and asked me how I was doing.  I was very large and going to pop at any moment.  I told him how I was feeling, how I had been considering adoption for no more than 3 hours.  He paused for a moment and said, I have a sister, she has a husband.  They have been married for 7 years and been trying for 5 years to have kids.  They put their names on the LDS Family Services adoption list a couple of weeks ago.  Another pause.  I said, "have them call me."  A few hours later I was eating breakfast and got a phone call.  I heard this sweet voice of a woman named Emily Snow.  She sounded super nervous, but wanted to arrange a meeting.  We met that night with her husband Dan.  I was nervous at first, but the longer I had stayed there, the more at home I felt.  They were the sweetest couple.  Funny, cute, upstanding, genuine.  I was head over heels within 2 hours.  When I left that night, I hugged them, told them Thank You, and that I would call them tomorrow.

I didn't tell my parents, or anyone else, that I had arranged this meeting.  Instead, I waited.  I waited for a prayer to be answered.  I waited for that feeling.  I got it.  I cried, I smiled, and then I had the most comforting feeling.  I went and told my parents.  They cried, they smiled, and they hugged me.   About an hour later I called the Snow's.  I told them they were the perfect family.  I wanted them to have my son.  They cried and couldn't thank me enough.  Within the next couple of weeks, we met with lawyers, made arrangements to meet every year on his birthday.  They asked if I wanted money, which I thought was weird, but I guess it happens.  I politely declined and told them I would be in contact.  I asked them if I had given them enough time to prepare, because let's be honest, 3 weeks?  They said they had been waiting years!

Well, baby decided to come a week early.  Each morning my mom had told me to call her if I were to go into labor.  That morning, I had woken up, eaten breakfast and 10 minutes later felt a contraction.  I hated it.  I called my mom and said, Maybe you might have to come home?  She said, well, call me if they get any worse.  So, I decided to take a nap because I was in a lot of pain.  Not sure how, but I fell asleep and woke up to my phone ringing.  It was my mother.  Just when I answered, another contraction came on.  She said, I'm coming home!

My mother came home.  She didn't know what to do.  She hadn't had a baby in 20 years!  So she decides to start reading, What to Expect When You're Expecting while I just sat there quietly, waiting, wondering when we needed to go to the hospital.  In that time, I got hungry.  She told me I wasn't supposed to eat, but I felt it would be okay.  She continued on reading, when I went to pack my bag.  I then said, okay, it's time to go.  She was like, oh!  Hold on!  I wait for another 5 minutes, and as we walk out the door, my dad arrives.  Hold on, he says.  I'm like, um....?  He then decided to give me a blessing, mostly that I wouldn't have the baby in the car.  Because for some reason, I chose a hospital that was 20 minutes away from my house!

We get to the hospital, my contractions are now 5 minutes apart.  Perfect timing!  Here come the drugs! But even with the drugs, you have a little bit of feeling.  If you didn't, how would you know when to push?  Once the actual labor really started, it was an easy 3, maybe 4 pushes, and he was out.  7lbs, 13 oz, 19 inches long.  When they plopped him on me, I didn't know what to do.  My family came and held him, a few friends came to see him, he was the sweetest, most quietest baby.  Just had a peaceful persona about him.  I didn't want to hold him, I didn't want to be attached.  The first night I had him kept in the nursery.  Sounds cold, right?  The next day all I wanted to do was love this child I just had.  And so I did.  I kept that baby close to me all day and all night long.  He slept in my arms.  I cried.  I loved him so much.

The next day was discharge day.  The judge came in.  He told me I had until 5pm.  I cried for 4 hours.  I so wanted to go back on my word and just keep this precious child, but I couldn't do that.  I couldn't do that to this poor baby.  This sweet couple.  So I signed the adoption papers, tears streaming down my face.  The nurse came a couple minutes later.  She told me it was time.  I asked her if I could give my baby away.  She said yes.  I went out in the hallway, saw Dan and Emily.  Put this precious child into Emily's arms, told them all I loved them so much and would see them soon.  They thanked me and handed me a gift basket of goodies.  Emily pieced me a blanket, that i still have today.

They named him Gregory Nathaniel Snow.  He goes by Greg.  He will be 7 in November.  He is in 1st grade and has 2 younger sisters, Abby and Andie.  He looks like a Snow, and I couldn't be more happy about how things with him have turned out.  I am so grateful that Josh (Emily's brother) heard/felt my prayer.  There are times when I think what life would be like if I would have kept him.

Greg 2010.

Even though a lot of things just happen to happen, I think some things happen for a reason.  I think some things are a blessing in disguise.  It was the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever done.



-The End.